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RAPE , ASSAULT, AND VIOLENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS

         Have you every felt forced to have sex with someone when you did not want to? Have you ever been the target of unwanted sexual advances?

          You have a right to be treated with respect. Your body is your own, and nobody has the right to touch you without your permission or to degrade you by viewing you as a sexual object.          

Violence in relationships is never okay.

          Recently more than 5,400 students in South Carolina, ages 14-18, were asked to answer questions about whether they had been recent victims or perpetrators of severe dating violence or forced sex in the past year.

          About 15 percent of them had experienced dating violence and more than 23 percent of girls and 15 percent of boys had been forced to have sex.

          Nearly 10 percent of the girls had been beaten at least once by their dating partner, while about 9 percent said they had been beating their dating partner.  For boys, 5 percent said they had been victims of dating violence and 7 percent said they were perpetrators.

There are some signs you can look for in a person you begin dating to indicate if they are a violent person:

• if they drink or use drugs and get angry with you if you don't want to get high

• if they insult you, talk down to you, tell your opinion never counts or act angry when you come up with an idea

• if they get angry if you don't want to have sex

• if they get jealous for no reason

• if they think they are smarter or better than you

•  if you change your life or the way you talk and do things  to keep them from getting angry

• if they push, shove or grab people to get their way

There are ways to  behave that will let that kind of person know you won't put up with violence:

• Say "no" if you don't want to have sex and say it like you mean it --with a firm voice and clear body language. You have a right to say no.

• Help make the plans for dates and share the decisions about what you will do and where you will go.

• If you feel uncomfortable or feel at risk, LEAVE. (Have a plan on how to escape if needed.)

• Attend parties with friends and look out for one another and date in groups.

Remember: if you are a victim of sexual assault, you are not to blame.  The person who assaulted you is to blame and is responsible for what happened.

          Many assaults are violent and unexpected and leave victims confused about how to react.  After an assault, some victims worry if they  reacted in the right way. Just remember, there is no one absolutely right way to respond to violence.  Whether you make the decision to fight back or not to resist out of fear, your decision is a legitimate one and  is based on what is happening at the time.

Resources:

Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence

Healthy Relationships

National Center for Injury Prevention and Control: Division of Violence Prevention

Sexual Trauma Services (formerly Rape Crisis Network) In South Carolina, the number is 803-252-8393.

The South Carolina Department of Mental Health provides services through 17 community mental health centers, a variety of outreach programs and six major inpatient facilities.

Rape, Assault and Violence in Relationships
www.state.sc.us/dmh/clinical.htm
www.aocn.aurora.edu/teencare/teenshandbook/rape.htm
www.colorado.edu/cspv/factsheets/factsheet7.html
www.colorado.edu/cspv/factsheets/factsheet9.html
www.colorado.edu/cspv/factsheets/factsheet12.html
education.indiana.edu/cas/adol/conflict.html
ub-counseling.buffalo.edu/alternatives.shtml

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